Dark Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Saga
Phoenix Wright: his chief export? JUSTICE!
That sure was fun, wasn't it? Yep, sure is an hour of my life that I'll never get back. Guess I'll go drink and listen to 'Guilty of being White' on infinite repeat.
Happy holidays!
These two lovely young ladies show us all that the reason for the season is pleasin'
Review: Liberality for All, R for Retarded
Osama Bin Laden addresses the U.N, yesterdayThere's been a lot of talk in various comics and politics forums about Mike Mackey and Donny Lin's right-wing comic 'Liberality for All'. Newsarama said that there were three comics people are talking about this season: Marvel's House of M, D.C's Infinite Crisis and ACC's Liberality, in which cyborg versions of popular right-wing talk show hosts wage a freedom-fight on the ultra-liberal U.N world government. Or something.
Now, a lot of people have been talking about this book, but few have read it, and I'm one of the few people lucky enough to have a copy. And what can I say except WOW. Now, that's not the same WOW some might experience reading something that's good, more the WOW you get when you read the winner of the Darwin awards, or about that woman who hired an undercover cop to kill an entire family to get a block of cheese.
I will always recall the day that my copy of Liberality arrived: I was sat on the porch of my organic soy cooperative when my life-partner and leather slave Mahmood came running down the driveway, covered in blood and clutching a gore-soaked copy of the comic.
"Look effendi" he said "The Great Satan's postal system has delivered more imperalist propaganda by mistake."
"Mahmood, my love, that's a copy of an AmeriKKKan comic book I ordered with my last welfare cheque. Though I respect your freedom to kill the mailman-"
"Mailwoman" he said, shuddering "I could see her ankles."
"I would say you did the right thing by killing that little Eichmann, but 'right' and 'wrong' are terms forced upon us by the fascist patriarchy to force us into a life of corporate slavery."
Mahmood had to take the hybrid car into town to get another garbage bag full of welfare cheques, leaving me ample time to perform a close and unbiased reading of the police state's latest attempt to subdue the proletariat.
Firstly, much the Nazi-sponsored Right-Wing media whose brain-washing labs produced Liberality, the book leaves many gaps in it's account of the real events of 9/11. Firstly, there is no mention of the vast Israeli sponsored plot to replace the planes with holograms and missiles, or that the people in the twin towers were not, in fact, real human beings with lives and families, but Little Eichmanns and Freemasons who plot every day to kill black people. Secondly: Osama Bin Laden is the bad guy in this book. Whuh? Did somebody miss a forum post on GNN? Look Mackey, if that is your real name, it's pretty simple: AmeriKKKa kills like a million people every day, so anyone who kills AmeriKKKans must be a good guy, and I refuse to do any more thinking about the subject than that. Also, the part about respecting guns? I laughed so hard I almost blew away my meth. The only ones I respect are in the hands of the brave Iraqi freedom fighters as they wage their revolutionary stuggle against the Nazi Corprocracy Fascists who want to steal their oil to run the SUVs of suburban consumer zombies and force upon the oppressed Iraqi people christian values like literacy. And the art? Our adopted Anglo-Saxon child could do better, in fact I used the pages I tore out in disgust to line his cage.
Of course, because a vast right-wing conspiracy controls all aspects of AmeriKKKan life, I expect Liberality and it's poisonous slander against progressive politics to be required reading in all of the nation's Corporate Drone Factories. I'm sorry, did I say Corporate Drone Factories? I meant SCHOOLS.
Satan is comin' to town! The Christmas album
Take a wild guess about what they're about to do with that Candy Cane.
Happy holidays everyone! This very special post is for everybody I gave a CD to this holiday season, because I'm far, far too cheap and lazy to write the track listing myself or print a playlist. So, for the ten or so people I'm giving the same present to this year, and all of teh Interweb, here is the full track listing for my awesome mix-cd: The Liberal Plot Against Christmas
1) Death From Above 1979 - Romantic Rights: DFA1979 get the party started in style- the video for this song has them wearing gold sequined clothing, which has officially transcended the irony barrier and come full circle back to cool. Oh, and the noise you're hearing was made by only two guys.
2) The English Beat - Mirror in the Bathroom: I don't know too much about these guys, except that they recently played here in Portland and travelled here all the way from the 1980s in their Delorean. They bring the funk in that white-boy new-wave dub style that I loathe anywhere else. The song will make you want to do rails off a glass coffee table.
3) why? - darla: why?, real name Yonnie, was inspired to write this song after seeing a pro-life commercial. This is the first of two tracks from Oakland's lower-case lovin' anticon records. Check out their 'music for the advancement of hip-hop' label sampler for more, but not before admitting that why? is as much a hip-hop artiste as Fiddy-cent.
4) Isis - Weight: Isis are from Boston and do metal like nobody else dares.
5) Jet Alone - What Booty?: This is the first of my tracks, included to balance out an acoustic and rock heavy track listing. There's 8-bit beats over Grime vocals from Wiley and associates.
6) Black Mountain - Druganut: Okay, let's get this out of the way: Black Mountain went on tour with Coldplay. Don't hold that against them, because they sound like Stevie Wonder meets 'Sabbath. Druganaut is one of their finest songs; dedicate it to the 'head in your life.
7) Sloan - Two Seater: I've finally found a good band from Canada 'ey. The country that gave the world The X-files, Barenaked Ladies and Wolverine produced this tasty nugget of indie-rock. There's a personal message in the chorus too.
8) 27 - Cold Hands, Warm Heart - I found this on the Relapse records sampler 'Contaminated 5.0' alongside such artists as Canivorous Erection, Red Harvest and Pig Destroyer. And it's Lounge, as in a sweet, soulful torch song with a slightly hip-hop bent. Why 27 is signed to Relapse I'll never know.
9) Boom-bip and Doseone feat. Buck 65 - The Unthinkable (Venetian Snares mix): Wow, four artists I like doing one song. This one has kind of a personal bent too, since I've not slept for a long time.
10) Smog - Bathysphere: Smog is dating fellow American singer-songwriter Cat Power, which makes him okay in my book. The fact that his songs absolutely slay helps too.
11) Low - Sunflower: Picking just one Low song is hard, but Sunflower just about pokes it head above the rest, thanks in no small part to Steve Albini's production job. Low are, primarily, a husband and wife team who also happen to be Mormon and very, very unhappy about something. They invented 'Sad-core', or 'Slo-core', so Latter-Day-Saint friendly props to them.
12) Mazzy Star - Fade Into You: I don't know what a 'Mazzy' Star is, but I know the band made some fine psych-indie stuff back in the nineties. This was their suprise hit back in 1992, though they kept releasing great albums up until '96, and they're now defunct.
13) Bob Dylan - In my time of dyin': A Bob Dylan song. I don't actually have to say anything else.
14) Jet Alone - Aurora Snow: More rampant egotism from me, with a cut from my (still unrealeased, thankyou very much Record Industry) Nonchalant LP. The samples are from South Park, pornography, Dorset Stoner-rock levianthans Electric Wizard, and The Pixies (you won't hear it, but I've sampled the bass from 'Debaser').
15) Autolux - Turnstile Blues: Autolux channel Sonic Youth, Velvet Underground and much of the indie-rock of the nineties to make their unqiue and uniquely gorgeous sound. The tight-as-your-kid-sister drumming is from a female drummer, so kudos to them.
16) Kyuss - Day One: Back in the nineties, Kyuss tore up the desert like Charle Manson's Satanic Dune Buggy Attack Squad, then became Queens of the Stone Age and tore up the mainstream. This is the secret track from their last album (And the circus leaves town).
17) Turbonegro - Get it on: Faux-Gay, Faux-Nazi Deathrock from Norway. You heard me. If you can get laid nowhere else, you can still get laid at a Turbonegro show, with ten extra points for pulling one of their devoted fanbase, the Turbojugend.18) Mercury Rev - Chasing a Bee: Jeers if you only know them for 'Goddess on a Highway'. Cheers for this trippy shoegaze thing they did on their earlier 'yrself is steam' ep.
19) Sebadoh - Brand New Love: I wanted to end the record on an upper, so here's one of the biggest uppers since Adderal. The message is simple: Now sucks, but at any moment something really awesome may happen. So cheer up.
There were some songs that wouldn't fit the CD, but warrant mentioning nevertheless, and here they are:
Pentagram - Forever my Queen: Pentapgram are what Black Sabbath would sound like if that fuckwit 'Ozzy' wasn't fronting them. Good, in other words. Relapse recently re-released their best of, so check it out.
Type O Negative - I don't wanna be me/My girlfriend's girlfriend - They're also-ran Nu-metal losers, but I grow a big rubbery one very time I hear these songs. Don't wanna be me is sublimely stupid, Girlfriend is sleazy and also quite stupid.
Themselves - Grasskirt: This would just weird everyone out. Doseone, who is also Themselves, has a voice like the Mexican guy from Cypress Hill if he was a Victorian-era scientist investigating a series of ritual murders with his negro manservant.
Team America Soundtrack - America! Fuck Yeah!: Liberty! The Alamo! Las Vegas! Christmas! Immigrants! Sportsmanship! Slavery! Books!
Iron and Wine - Jezebel: Iron and Wine is only one guy. I'm calling shennanigans on that Sub-Pop beardo. Good song though.
I'm sure I'll add a bunch more to this list, but if you're interested try to find the extra songs on a P2P service (then buy the albums, these are artists who deserve your money).
Oh, and Merry Christmas everyone!
Yep, nothing says 'Happy Holidays' like the fun at Xavier's school in the early eighties, tovarisch
Bamf! The X-men 3 teaser trailer appears
It sure has been an exciting X-year true-believers! First there's the baffling House of M, followed by Decimation: You'll Get it if you read this one particular issue that came out before I was born, and now, the X-men Announcement Trailer. Plus, I have this Exclusive preview shot, which ends years of fan speculation: yes, Jean becomes Dark Phoenix (the evil space energy turns her once beautiful face into that of a Denny's waitress). Yes, Emma Frost's breasts are in it. And, if you look closely behind Cyclops's head you'll see none other than the Man of Steel himself, Superman.
Unfortunately, the trailer reveals that while Storm is still present, Gambit isn't. Thanks Brett Ratner, thanks so far up your stupid ass that you'll be tasting my thanks each time you swallow.
Gambit: The only card he needs is the Ace of Spades. And fifty one others.
Girls.Are.Pretty
Another image from Stuntkid.com
So, it looks like I haven't been updating for a while, and I'm sorry about that. Things are hard here. How hard? Think Vin Disel hard, think Chuck Norris hard. Think Hemmingway on his twelth bottle of absinthe remembering how to run away from bulls. Too abstract? Okay, think that I'm facing a thirty day break from all work and human interaction and I've only got a sub-par laptop and an original Xbox for company. Even my dog is going away for a month.
Now, normally I would segue into a recommendation for a website that amused me. But I'm pissed off. Read Girls are Pretty and leave me, leave me like everybody always does.
