Heffer Hulk Smash Puny Reason!

From today's Daily Mail:

"Why are the names of the country's film censors a state secret and why did they give a 12A cerificate to The War Of The Worlds, the most remorselessly violent film I have seen in years?"

Okay, fairly standard op-ed stuff so far, and the columnist, Simon Heffer, is entitled to his opinion on whether the film was too violent. But in the space between pressing the return key and starting a new paragraph Heffer takes a big huff of aeroplane glue from a sandwich bag and writes:

"I suspect the censors are leftists in bed with the Labor Party, and support the party's policy of wrecking traditional values. I suspect too, that those who stand to profit from the biggest possible audience for such films in this country are Labour donors. Until we are told who the censors are, we won't know if I'm right."

Homosaywhat? Maybe Christina Aguilera's just silently crept in through the window, greased up the glorious expanse between her legs and written "of course I'll do anal" on the wall in lipstick, but until I turn my head I won't know if I'm right. You can make a pretty good guess though. Exactly how far out of his ass did Heffer pull that second part? Does he have a leaked dossier? A taped interview? Nope, just good old fashioned Right Wing Bullshit, the same 'well the Jews deserved it' crap that guy at the bar who was in the Falklands comes out with when he's had a few. As suspiscions go It's on par with 'I suspect wearing this tin-foil hat will stop the government stealing my thoughts'.
This only takes up a small box on Heffer's page. The majority goes towards explaining how Africa doesn't deserve charity. I'm taking a portfolio of Heffer's 'irrepressible, irascible (and) irreverent' columns with me to America so I have solid evidence to back up my shame in this nation.