Monday, November 21, 2005

New Ultimate Best Fun: Band X is like Author Y

Image from Stuntkid, chosen arbitraily

Like the man says, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, so engage with the knowledge here, specifically, a list of bands, most fairly middle of the road, and the authors they most resemble. For those of you unwilling to leave my site: kudos, and here's the list reproduced in full:

AC/DC--Julia Child

Alice Cooper--Stephen King

Tori Amos--Alice Walker

Björk--Italo Calvino

Kate Bush--James Joyce

The Beatles--Roald Dahl

David Bowie--J.G Ballard

Jeff Buckley--Frank O’ Hara

Captain Beefheart--Allen Ginsburg

Johnny Cash--Carl Sandburg

Nick Cave--William Faulkner

The Clash --Hunter S. Thompson

Leonard Cohen--John Updike

Elvis Costello--William Shakespeare

Cream--Jane Auel

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young--John Steinbeck

The Cure--William Gibson

The Doors--Jack Kerouac

Bob Dylan--Ernest Hemingway

The Eagles--Tom Wolfe

Mark Eitzel--William Carlos Williams

The Flaming Lips--Shel Silverstein

Fleetwood Mac --J.K. Rowling

Peter Gabriel--Ray Bradbury

Marvin Gaye--Maya Angelou

Green Day--Dan Brown

Hall and Oates --Nick Hornby

P.J Harvey--Virginia Woolf

Jimi Hendrix--Kurt Vonnegut

Jewel--Danielle Steele

The Killers--Bret Easton Ellis

Led Zeppelin--Herman Hesse

Madonna--Anne Rice

Stephen Malkmus--Thomas Pynchon

Metallica--Clive Barker

Joni Mitchell--Margaret Atwood

Nirvana--William Burroughs

Notorious B.I.G.--Iceberg Slim

The Pixies--Paul Auster

Phish--Douglas Adams

Pink Floyd--J.D. Salinger

The Police--F. Scott Fitzgerald

Prince--Henry Miller

Public Enemy--Langston Hughes

Queen--Walt Whitman

Radiohead--Franz Kafka

Lou Reed--Truman Capote

Rolling Stones--Charles Dickens

Rush--J.R.R. Tolkien

Shudder To Think--Samuel Beckett

The Smiths--Agatha Christie

Bruce Springsteen--Norman Mailer

Steely Dan--Raymond Chandler

Sting--John Le Carre

Talking Heads--Eugene Ionesco

U2--C.S.Lewis

Van Halen--Cameron Crowe

Tom Waits--Charles Bukowski

Wilco--Mark Twain

The Who--Ian Fleming

Yes--H.P. Lovecraft
There's some smart stuff there, I think you will agree. There are some blasphemous abominations that should have been written with blood on a parchment of human flesh and filed under the Pentagon next to the Arc of the Covenant, never to see the light of day. I mean, Thomas Pynchon compared to Stephen freakin' 'Uh, I used to be in Pavement? Anybody remember Shady Lane?' Malkmus. HULK SMASH!
Anyway, I've hit the random function on Winamp a few times and came up with my own suggestions:

Big Black/The Icarus Line - Michael Houellebecq

Agorophobic Nosebleed - Peter Sotos

Godspeed You! Black Emporer - Mark Z. Danielewski

Slipknot* - R.L Stein

Evanescence* - Poppy Z Brite.

Faith No More - Dennis Cooper

Atari Teenage Riot - Robert Anton Wilson

Iron Maiden - Dennis Wheatley (I mean, come on)

Dinosaur Jnr. - Donna Tarrt

Dashboard Confessional* - Dave Pelzer

Acid Mothers Temple - Alan Moore

cLOUDDEAD - David Foster Wallace

A Perfect Circle - Neil Gaiman

John Coltrane - James Baldwin

Born Against - Chuck Pahlahniuk doing Fight Club and Survivor

Carnivourous Erection - Chuck Pahalahniuk doing Guts.

Leonard Cohen - Leonard Cohen

Interpol - Truman Capote

The Strokes - On their best day they barely scrape Jonathan Safran Foer, most of the time they're this

* Please note that I don't actually own a Slipknot, Dashboard Confessional or Evanescence album, nor any books by R.L Stein, Poppy Z. Brite or Dave Pelzer. I really can't stress this point enough.

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