IRA-RIP - 'Meh' say Britons

The IRA are no more. Whatever is right.

In a historic move the IRA, who older readers will remember as some kind of non-Islamist terrorist group, has announced that it would put an end to years of sectarian violence in Northern Ireland, citing a general lack of interest in the group's activities and political goals.
The Provisional Irish Republican Army's dull campaign began in 1970, with the meaningless and impossible aim of reuniting Northern Ireland with Southern Ireland. For some reason.
IRA spokesman Flannety O'Flannerty told reporters: "Looking back it was kind of stupid. I mean, if we really wanted to be Irish we could have probably emigrated. I'd actually forgotten about being the official spokesperson, I only found out when I was cleaning out my garage and I found my old membership card in a drawer."
Flannerty went on to say that he was proud to have served in the group that provided inspiration for the films Patriot Games, The Devil's Own and the Crying Game. Though he later admitted that buying one pair of the night-vision goggles used in the climactic scene of Tom Clancy's thriller Patriot Games would have cost a year's budget.
The public's reaction to the announcement has been muted. Exeter resident Steve Chav told this website: "I'd forgotten about them, what with the bombs in London and everything. It's not like they were on 24 or anything."
Norma King, Reading: "They tried their best to be scary, but it's a bit hard to take them seriously when they've been outshone by a Shemale's cock."